


glow-in-the-dark

by sierraadeux



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, but only if you squint like really hard, or really more like Sex but make it Comedy, quarantine/lockdown if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24391792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sierraadeux/pseuds/sierraadeux
Summary: Phil has a habit of adding random things to their weekly grocery orders. Sometimes it's annoying, most times it's endearing, this time though...Dan isn't quite sure what to think.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 37
Kudos: 136





	glow-in-the-dark

**Author's Note:**

> i blame this fic entirely on me unlocking a random memory while talking to kelly and her going "big phil energy" and just... not stopping me from writing it. so uh here, have this thing i wrote last night between the hours of midnight and two am. feel free to point and laugh at the end because it is indeed loosely based on true events.

“I bought something fun.” 

A four word sentence that never fails to send a chill up Dan’s spine. It’s not necessarily the words that do it for him, but the way they’re said. A different kind of excitement in the other man’s voice. 

It’s deep and low and primally _Phil_ when he says it this time, barely out of breath after running down and back up a few flights of stairs to get their delivery — turns out whipping out the old Dance Dance Revolution mat, a bit of mostly failed at-home couple’s yoga, and, admittedly, a _lot_ of sex is actually good exercise. 

Dan knows he isn’t talking about a new weird fake milk made out of some suspicious nut or a 4-in-1 shampoo that’s definitely intended for children when Phil tosses the black box to him on the sofa. It nearly bonks him in the head, but he ducks just in time for it to make contact with the back of the sofa and land with a soft thud next to Dan’s bare thigh. 

Because obviously Dan hasn’t put jeans, or even pajama bottoms, on in the past — at least — three weeks. Where was the need? He sure as hell didn’t know. 

Dan sits back up and picks the box up from where its surprisingly sharp corner is digging into his skin, glancing up at an approaching Phil with an unamused expression on his face once he reads the label.

As he looks up through his lashes, a few seconds away from fully rolling his eyes, he catches how blown out the pupils of Phil’s are. 

The disapproving look is washed away with the swirling feeling of love that he feels for his idiot boyfriend, a smirk tugging at his lips as he raises a brow. 

Phil raises his own in response, cocking his head and giving Dan a tight expectant grin. Dan turns the box over in his hand a few times. Of course Phil would be the one to make him say it. Even after buying them himself and clearly having _god knows what_ feelings about them, the fucker still wants the satisfaction of Dan to be the one to bring it up. 

Dan does, roll his eyes this time. His left eyebrow couldn’t possibly get higher. 

“Glow-in-the-dark condoms?” Dan says the words like he’s questioning some mundane news headline and not, _well_ , whatever the fuck this is that Phil has going on. 

Phil smiles wider, nodding. 

“I thought it’d be fun!” 

Dan huffs, shaking his head but not at all saying no. “You’re aware that you’re thirty-three, correct?” 

“And you’re twenty-six,” Phil supplies easily. 

Dan stares at him blankly. “Eight,” he corrects. “Like the age I think you are sometimes plus two decades. Twenty- _eight.”_

“Same thing,” Phil brushes him off with a wave of his hand. “So what do you say?” he asks, that expectant look never leaving his face as he steps forward and climbs onto Dan’s lap — the black and green box forgotten as it gets squished between their bodies. 

Phil knows what he’s doing. Dan knows what Phil’s doing. He can’t quite very well say no when there’s a Phil in his lap, a huskier voice in his ear, a few day’s unshaven jawline scratching in that delicious way against Dan’s cheek. 

It’s completely harmless anyway — if anything, a bit silly. So Dan doesn’t mind. In the grand scheme of things they’ve done a lot weirder, this is really nothing. He could still wind Phil up a bit about it though, because that was _truly_ fun. 

“Mm,” Dan hums as Phil kisses his way across Dan’s jaw, down his neck. Dan arches into it, loses the teasing edge to his tone as the noise in his throat becomes involuntary with the feeling of Phil’s teeth nipping at sensitive skin. 

“You want to fuck me with your lightsaber dick, daddy?” Dan barely can get the words out with a straight face, even with Phil’s mouth making its way back up his neck. Giggles and shivers rack through his body as Phil abruptly stops his ministrations and pulls back. Dan doesn’t let him though, following as he buries his head in Phil’s shoulder to laugh. 

He’s playfully shoved a few times, Phil making a show out of pretending to be offended, trying to squirm out of his grasp. But he doesn’t do a good job of it, at all, as he stays firmly planted in Dan’s lap, starting to giggle himself as his playful punches at Dan’s back turn to his open palms rubbing firm circles that Dan presses back into. 

“I was more thinking _you_ could fuck me with your lightsaber dick,” Phil says matter-of-factly, once they’ve both caught their breath. 

“ _Daddy_ ,” he adds in a voice that’s dropped so many octaves it causes Dan to splutter a bit on his own spit with the force of the snort that rips out of him. 

“God, I hate you,” Dan hums into the crook of Phil’s neck, sounding an awful lot like the complete opposite. And Phil knows that. 

Phil gasps, pulling back with a hand on each of Dan’s shoulders to look at him with wide eyes. “Why would you say that to God?” 

“Fuck you,” Dan spits back, all bark no bite. 

“Yes. Exactly,” Phil smiles. 

Dan snorts, pushing himself up off the back of the sofa and grabbing at Phil’s upper thighs. Phil is quick to grip firmly at the back of Dan’s neck, clinging on like a koala bear as Dan, quite surprisingly, gets them both up off the couch. YouTube yoga in the mornings, weightlifting your boyfriend in the afternoon — who knew the at-home gym could work so well. 

“If I’m humoring you with this, you’re fucking me,” Dan says as he hikes Phil up, getting a solid grip at his bum while Phil crosses his legs around Dan’s waist. 

Phil sighs deeply and dramatically, pulling his head back to look Dan square in the face with that crooked, smug smile of his. 

“I _guess_ that’ll do,” Phil says as he lets out another fake sigh, completely given away by the smile he can’t tame and the shining glint in his eye. 

“I _guess_ I’ll drop you right down the stairs,” Dan quips back. Phil gasps, the sound quickly turning into both of their laughter. Then, near silence in the apartment as Dan shuts them both up with his lips. 

After a careful trip down the stairs, a hastily made bed and a few other preparations, and another solitary trip back up and down the stairs again by Phil as they realized they left the box of condoms where they fell on the floor by the sofa when Dan picked Phil up, Dan’s left with an interesting scene in front of him. 

It’s nearly pitch black in their room, the curtains drawn shut, the door closed, even the small night light in the corner socket unplugged, but Dan’s eyes adjust quickly enough. Head tilted up as he rests on his elbows, looking up at AmazingPhil hovering over him, fumbling with the foil packaging of a condom. 

Dan has to huff out a laugh, even with the amount of love that squeezes at his heart. _Especially_ with the amount of love that squeezes at his heart. It’s weird to feel nostalgic in a situation like this, yet here Dan was. 

“Let me help you,” he pushes himself up, nearly knocking foreheads with Phil, to reach for the packet. 

Phil huffs, but acquiesces once he realizes where Dan is going. A more satisfied hum as a large palm presses against Phil’s chest, pushing him flat on his back with a soft thud against the bed. Dan follows, shimming back on Phil’s thighs as he expertly tears the foil with his teeth. 

And by expertly, he means he instantly splutters at the awful taste of cheap condom lubricant, scrunching his nose and turning his head to spit the bit of foil stuck to his lip somewhere they definitely won’t find it for a few days. He doesn’t at all think of the logistics of _what_ exactly makes something glow-in-the-dark and if he should be ingesting it as Phil does nothing to help but muffle his giggles in the crook of his arm. 

It’s hard to not be full of laughter, and Dan thinks he quite enjoys the air in the room when it’s like this — ticking off more than one of his boxes all at once. 

Dan reaches down to wrap his hand around Phil’s, somehow, still half-hard cock — the snicker in Phil’s throat dying with a low groan as he does. He shuffles back a bit more and bends down to stick the head in his mouth, just because he can, because he wants to. Because it’s another incredibly easy box for him to tick. 

One of Phil’s hands tangles in Dan’s hair. It’s gotten quite long and unruly, Dan isn’t the biggest fan when he catches himself in the mirror, but Phil seems to _really_ enjoy it. Pulling at it, petting it, running his fingers through it at any and every chance he’s given. So Dan can’t hate it too much. 

And besides, he’s been getting a few kicks out of the Phil that he looks up at through his eyelashes as he holds Dan down at the base of his cock. Long hair that’s now dark again, even distinguishable in the low light of the room, mused and pushed back messily — looking like the most beautifully strange mix of a Phil he once knew and the Phil he knows now. 

That’s still going to take some getting used to, he muses as he swallows, then gags a bit on Phil’s cock — Phil loosening his grip and letting Dan pull back up freely. 

Dan clears his throat. “Now where was I?” he pats at his side until he finds the open packet, sitting back up on Phil’s thighs as he pulls the condom out. 

“Huh,” he hums as he holds it up, nothing but the vague outline of the rubber in the darkness. 

“It’s not glowing,” Phil states the obvious, clear disappointment in his voice. “Maybe you have to put it on,” he adds, hopeful. 

“It’s not dick activated,” Dan snorts. But he flips the condom around and wraps his hand around the base of Phil’s cock. 

“You don’t know that,” Phil says, pushing himself up on his elbows to get a closer look as Dan rolls the condom on with a slightly fumbling hand. So what if it’s been a while since his days of confidently putting one of these things on with his mouth? Sue him. 

“Yes,” Dan looks from Phil’s crotch up to his eyes, then back down again. He gestures to Phil’s definitely not glowing dick. “I do know that.” 

He can see Phil’s ridiculous pout, even in the darkness of the room. Dan coos softly — albeit a bit patronizing, but still very much full of love. 

“Maybe they’re defective?” Dan suggests, absently rubbing a thumb against the pale skin of Phil’s thigh. 

Phil hums. Then he’s shooting up straight, nearly dislodging Dan from his lap. 

“They probably just need to be charged!” he explains as he scrambles up, Dan falling back on the soft pillows at the head of the bed to avoid getting hit by any of Phil’s limbs or appendages.

“Phil it isn’t an iPhone,” Dan laughs as Phil gets up off the bed, making a beeline for his nightstand. 

“I meant with light, idiot,” Phil replies as the click of the lamp fills the room, alongside the soft wash of light that Dan has to blink a few times to adjust his eyes to. 

“I don’t think-” 

“It’ll work!” Phil shuts him up. “Trust me,” he says as he grabs onto his cock and, well, angles it towards the lamp. 

Dan looks on with amusement, such an overwhelming warm fondness in his chest at his boyfriend as he attempts a few different angles. He bites his lip, and his tongue, at how much he absolutely doesn’t think Phil is accomplishing anything, the soft light of the lamp probably not strong enough and _definitely_ too far away to do much of anything. If that even is how the damn things are “charged”, Dan still thinks it’s a better chance they’re defective. 

As if Phil is reading his mind, he huffs, then swings a foot up onto the nightstand. Pert ass on full view that Dan gets lost in it for a moment before he realizes exactly what Phil is doing. 

“ _Phi-il_ ,” Dan whines, “get your foot off of there before you slip and crack your head open!” 

Phil shakes his head, determinedly holding onto his cock, now right up close to the source of the light. 

“I think it’s working,” he whispers in amazement. 

Dan merely groans. He pulls his eyes away from Phil’s bum to roll over and bury his face in a pillow, muffling his groans as he ponders why he can only feel the strongest love towards the dumbass swinging his dick over their nice lamp that Dan is pretty sure was a housewarming gift from Martyn and Cornelia. 

“Dan! Dan, look!” Phil’s excited voice calls after a few minutes of Dan remaining face down in the pillows, thinking about just how much he wants to spend the rest of his life with glow-in-the-dark dick man. It’s very much, by the way. 

“It’s working!” Phil says, the sound of the lamp clicking back off following his excited exclamation. 

Dan lets out an amused laugh, shaking his head against the pillows before rolling over on his side to look at Phil. 

“Oh!” he is instantly met with a face full of cock. “Hello,” he greets it. Phil apparently had hopped down from his Captain Morgan pose on the nightstand and climbed up onto the bed. He’s on his knees by their pillows, his bright green cock being waved in Dan’s face with his hand at its base. 

“I guess it did just need to be charged,” Dan muses. He props himself up and puts his own hand over Phil’s, admiring the bright glow. 

“It’s cool, isn’t it?” Phil asks. Dan doesn’t miss the smug tone of his voice, he’s proper chuffed with himself, and Dan probably isn’t helping with how he pretty much immediately goes to stick Phil’s cock back in his mouth. The taste is a bit weird, the feeling of latex foreign on his tongue, but it’s not like he doesn’t like it. 

And there’s something oddly… mesmerizing about it. It’s definitely not every day that Dan has something bright and glowing going in and out of his mouth, and suddenly he understands Phil’s wide pupils and husky voice at the mere suggestion of it. 

Unfortunately, Dan genuinely does want Phil to fuck him with his lightsaber cock. So, so badly. He tells Phil as much. 

Dan finds himself settled back against the pillows, a needy whine ripping from his throat as Phil is once again hovering over him. Dan’s cock is hard and throbbing again, but that’s not what he’s focused on as their foreheads are pressed together, both of their gazes locked on Phil’s cock sliding in and out of Dan’s hole. 

Phil’s pace is agonizingly slow, Dan whining and clenching and digging his nails into Phil’s shoulder blades, but he’s also completely mesmerized. They both are, watching the glowing cock disappear into Dan. 

“That’s-” 

“So fucking hot, Phil,” Dan groans. 

Phil pulls out, then pushes forward in a rushed thrust that causes strangled noises to rip from both of their throats — Phil finally looking away from the green glow to press their lips together. Dan bites at Phil’s bottom lip and licks into his mouth as Phil adopts a pace they’re much more used to. The novelty hasn’t necessarily worn off, but the need they’ve been holding back from for far too long was about to become too much. 

It was the perfect amount of _just_ too much though, Dan slipping over the edge with Phil’s tongue in his mouth, toes curling and seeing a white that almost looks green behind his eyes at the second pump of Phil’s hand on his cock. 

Phil follows soon after, buried deep in a boneless Dan, mouthing at his neck in the way he knows Dan likes. The way that flutters something within him with the overstimulation that he would lean into with a low whine if he were a few years younger, if he wasn’t already thinking of a nap and a warm washcloth and what they’ll be ordering for dinner. 

Phil is on the same page, quick to pull out and say his goodbyes to his glowing second skin — tying off and tossing the condom as Dan rolls his eyes, too blissed out to vocalize the teasing words on his tongue. 

Their tired, sweaty limbs entwine once again, Dan not even able to stop the small noises of contentment in his throat as Phil nuzzles up to his neck. He’s beyond comfortable and sated. 

Dan hates admitting when he’s wrong, but sometimes Phil makes it far too easy. 

He traces gentle patterns with the pad of his finger against the soft, damp skin of Phil’s back — the two of them connected far beyond than their paired breathing. Dan huffs a small laugh as he starts up a new spiral on Phil’s back. 

“What?” Phil hums, voice low and sleepy. 

Dan smiles to himself. “Next time, we let them sit out in the light, okay?” 

Phil agrees easily enough, humming with a kiss to Dan’s neck. 

Though somehow, when next time rolls around, Dan finds himself with a pout on his face, a hand on his hip, and a _very_ amused Phil looking up at him from the bed. One foot on the nightstand and a hand waving his glow-in-the-dark dick over that very same lamp Phil defiled just a few days before. 

**Author's Note:**

> one day i'll write sex that isn't just one long running joke, today isn't that day


End file.
